I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
