so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
