We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
