i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
