"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
