Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I deserve this hangover.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
