ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
