john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
