chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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