I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
