3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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