i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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