did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
