Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
