Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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