you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
be right there i have to get my cape
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
