That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
