last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
