I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
