Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
