This girl is more easily done than said...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
