A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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