I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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