i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
