I just saw a hot homeless man
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
