She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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