I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
