Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
