Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
