some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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