dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
We smell like vodka and hangover
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
