i was born a porn star she said
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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