Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
