four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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