Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I checked into jail on foursquare
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
