I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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