you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
