I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
