giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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