I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
