So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
