Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
