this boner is exhausting
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
