I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
