i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
