Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
