i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
