If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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