I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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