You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
