He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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